WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOU : ''One breath'' dive - The scary red package ... '&#
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOU???
Hello out there! Oh wow ... I forget where we were! It's been already 3 months and a half I am back home ... I completed my trip succesfully and - luckily - in one piece :-) and made it back on the 3rd of September.
The first month of my trip I had been constantly writting and renewing my blog, but as soon as I crossed the Spanish boarders and reached Girona, my laptop ... died, and my only companion was my diary ... and my phone were I continued keeping material and videos ... that turned out they would stay there for loooooong loooooong time.
I had one month to go on the road... and the lack of internet etc ... and lack of posting ... filled in my mailboxes with one question popping out ... ''Whatever happened to you ...?''
It actually did me some good ... I reatreated a bit more, not having the easy way out and this kind of ''comforting'' communication to post things for a while. But sometimes I really felt the need growing bigger than ever ... especially some times that I was thinking that my people would get worried cause I was still on the road, not giving any signs that I am ok for long time. And since it was getting more difficult to continue... keeping silent made it kinda harder :-/
TAKE ''ONE BREATH '' AND DIVE...
Coming back home was a challenging ''welcoming'' since I knew there was no time to adjust to my old rhythms at all but on the contrary I had to take one single breath for a deep dive and step immediately on stage to perform with the The Epic Rock Choir for Ayreon's '' The Theater Equation'' in Netherlands.
It was an amazing experience for sure, a moment I had been waiting and preparing for a whole year! Plus meeting and getting to work with all these many amazing artists that had been inspiring me to walk my music path, made this experience a treasure I will always cherrish! But given the fact that I had just returned from a very overwhelming experience and got directly on stage for the first concert show, while spending a good amount of time rehearsing and working for the actual theater shows,made it clear that I definitely needed this important time to rest and contemplate upon those two months I had just spent keeping Jack's wheels turning ... the thing was... I had no time for that!
Two months ago the theater equation shows were over, left me excited, nostalgic but content, and really happy to see my band mates and best friends from Greece after two years that had come to see the shows . It was that moment inside Luxor Theater's dressing rooms, after the last show, that I finally sighed and felt that I could swim up the surface again and that this twilight of fast forward bouncing from one extreme experience to the other was over....
Meanwhile there were a lot of things to attend to, being back in my ''normal'' way of life, that needed my attention immediately, so time to rest was not an option right after the shows either.
It was quite recently I started calming down and rest my mind a bit. Getting back to my yoga and music teachings, putting an order to my house and and other responsibilities once more and avoided to talk too much about the whole thing. When the question ... ''So what happened to your trip? How was it?'' .... was on the table, I would answer: ''It was an interesting experience... '' At the same time I was wandering about this question myself.Truth is, I actually had no answer to it.
THE SCARY RED PACKAGE ...
It was like ... the trip itself was a very distant memory but the feeling it had left inside me hadn't been processed yet ... the whole thing was alive inside my head through my everyday life here, leaving me feeling a bit out of place and distant from things. I was even afraid to open the big red package that kept on starring at me every single day since I had arrived back ... with the note I had written still stuck on it... leaning on my living room's wall ...
Took me a few weeks ... and a few more ... till one morning I was just walking around the living room unable to find peace ... starring at that package ... feeling the urge to open the wrap ... it's something I cannot explain, I was so nervous, my palms were sweaty and I just couldn't find the strength. I really got suprised at myself observing my own behaviour... thinking ''what the hell is wrong with you? It's just a bike ... it's Jack ... just take the bike out of the wrap and be done with it!'' And I did ... but I had no idea that I was opening ''Pandora's box'' ... really.
When I finally opened the package ... a huge stream of unexplained mixed emotions and feelings overwhelmed me and the only reaction I could give in at that moment was to sit on the floor next to my bike and cry ... out loud ... so much. I kept on going for at least 20 minutes till I felt able to calm myself down and stop to catch my breath and think straight.
Then I got it ... I could understand what was going on... that was the moment I really ''arrived home''. I was back ... and finaly after un-wrapping Jack, looking at him and the condition he arrived back home ... pieces destroyed, breaks over-used, flat tyres, being all in pieces slightly damaged. I could just see myself ... I was like that. Still willing to stay in my ''plastic wrap'' I was refusing to see the fact that I was back home ... broken. Returning from this ''self-observance'' trip I had fixed nothing ... I had only see more things needed to be fixed and I was so afraid to face that fact ...
''HI THINA ... THERE'S SO MUCH MORE ... ''
In my need to connect back with the ''road feeling'' I had a few months back in time,,, I switched on my laptop and thought to scroll down the notifications and posted comments I had on my blog and a few messages, that hadn't find the time to check out till then... when I started reading a very heart-warming post, that one of my choir student's had left, that made me smile and reminded me what this is all is about ... and the reason I decided to do it in the first place:
''''Hi Thina, First I want to thank you for being our coach at Bright Voices. I love to sing, and you teach us in a special way! I want to thank you also for we can read your blog "The Cycling Sutra's". And what a nice website you have. With beautiful pictures. I enjoyed it to "travel with you". A big compliment and respect for you, so far a way on your bike, alone. A very special journey. The way you write it is so nice. With a lot of love, humor, respect and self-knowledge. And so creative writing your own Alice in wonderland story!! I also occupy my self with awakening/ awareness. It helps me not to become depressed again. Since I have sessions with healings and I'm buzy with my patterns, fears and self-image, I can enjoy life more. It's good to be buzy in that way. Some times it's hard, and sometimes so great, so beautiful. There is so much more... Loving Greetings, Carola Kromwijk
This was the moment I decided to continue writting my blog about what followed and the experiences from the rest of my trip...
Thank you for following me so far :-)
PS: Thank you Carola :-)